I just want you to know who I am

I got myself into a fixed yesterday at work. I directly presented myself into the mouth's of predator and it was freaking embarassing.
Though everything was kinda resolved last night by my quick wits and our acts,(1hr13mins plus of conversation that would add to my bill woes.) it is still gonna be a lil' awkard for me for the sometime.

I guess the most ironic part of the whole conversation yesterday is that they think I would stay for good and they should retain me for good.
That was how "good" I am? When someone I already have high guards on try eating me on my empathy part,I think it's holly mistake for them be it how sincere last night could be.

We are just acting. You are and I am.
Am sick of this crazy city and yet we are trapped within.
It is that difficult to everyone of us to live with implicit trust and faith?
Oh...definitely.Not at work at least.

Took leave today and realised how tired my body was.

You know about that Chinese proverb or idiom(I can't identify what's what in Chinese by now) that Life's like Drama and/or vice versa.

Honestly I think of otherwise by now. The real life is just something different, less emotional provoking and definitely more helpless at times. I mean how many dramas show the character being 'sian' most of the time? In your average shows, something good always happen outta it no matter what.

Sometimes I am just afraid that I am not living my worth, not making my worth,can't live my worth of this life.
It is pretty much of a worry for average being like you and me. We are not bless with everything good in life and naturally we would define good as being able to afford things.
It is naturally difficult for us to be thinking forever that @ least I got a roof over my head, @ least I got a job etc. And I blame the society & the man-made culture!

I used to think I would be much happier in a place where I could get less in touch of city-beings.I could be earning just enough for a day's eating everyday but at least I am more happy.

Such simple thinkings derived from books, from shows, from sit-coms, from envision.
Perhaps people would be telling me when you are leading such life, you would be wishing that you lead otherwise.

The grass always greener the other end and the water taste sweeter too.

Days that you tried hard motivating yourself seem to work only somedays.

22 years old?
You are telling me 22 years old is still a long way to go.
I would grow wiser and I would grow meaner.
If I give myself another 8 or 10 years, would I say is that peak of life achieved or would I be leading that typical life style as stereotyped and be thinking is this gonna be the rest of it and end of these nonsenses?